dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
