PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
