I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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