I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
