when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
