grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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