I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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