i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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