The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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