I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
