have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
