i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
