K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
