ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
