Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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