Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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