Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
