For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
