Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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