He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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