he shaved USA in his pubs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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