Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
