just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
