Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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