It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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