I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it was like eating out sand paper
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
