I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
