She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
