no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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