Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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