Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
