Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
