Got a toothbrush?
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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