My friends, they love my intelligence
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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