covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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