So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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