if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
