Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
