This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
where are you?
Hypothermia
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
