Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
