when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
