This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
