but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
