So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So apparently I’m into choking now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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