I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
True strength comes from lack of pants
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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