also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes