I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
