I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
