So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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