marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
