I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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