i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
