she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
