You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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