He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
