Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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