I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
