Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
