I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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