as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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