Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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