turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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