I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize