I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
