It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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