Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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