Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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