But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
