so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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