Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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