he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
