I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
