Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
