I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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