it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
