Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The feeling are messing with the penis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
