So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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