did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
