Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize