I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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