Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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