; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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