Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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